


Stoic

by Fottiti



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Author Is Sleep Deprived, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship/Love, Gen, Late Night Conversations, M/M, Minor Reiner Braun/Bertolt Hoover, Nightmares, kinda gay kinda not lol take it either way
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:27:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26403421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fottiti/pseuds/Fottiti
Summary: Bertolt hates when Reiner cries.
Relationships: Reiner Braun & Bertolt Hoover, Reiner Braun/Bertolt Hoover
Comments: 2
Kudos: 42





	Stoic

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place sometime during season 3 part 1 while they’re just hanging out with Zeke lol, also can be kinda shippy, also trying out a new writing style so bare with me and if it’s shit I’m sorry 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

“No!” Reiner shouts and shoots straight up in his sleeping bag. 

He takes a second to frantically look around at his surroundings, confusion fills his mind and he frowns. He clasps a hand over his mouth and feels his body trembling. He’s grabbing his head in his hands and squeezing his eyes closed trying to fight off the nightmare he had woken from. Reiner grits his teeth as his bottom lip trembles. Heart beating wildly in his chest and blood rushing loudly in his ears. 

Nightmares are about the only thing that he can count on to be a constant in his life now. Every night he dreads going to sleep, dreads closing his eyes in the dark knowing he’s going to see the horrible things he’s done and the people he’s killed, dreads having to face who he is. No amount of apologies to those he’s hurt will ever do. So Reiner tries not to sleep, he drinks strong coffee in the morning that makes his throat burn, he finds little ways to distract himself from thinking too much. Constant pain, fear and hatred are his life now.

Reiner shakes his head and lets his shaking hands drop to his thighs. He breathes deeply for a few moments, eyes closed and head down so his chin is touching his chest. Reiner combs a hand through his sweaty hair and sighs deeply as he opens his eyes again. Quickly adjusting to the dark, he looks to his left and feels his shoulders relax slightly and his heart flutter. 

He looks around and just the sight of his friend calms him down slightly. 

Bertolt is asleep, Reiner really envies the way he can sleep like the dead sometimes, and snoring softly. His eyelids flutter as he see things in his dreams, his hair a complete mess, night shirt pushed too high and his night pants too low on his waist, blanket kicked to the side so his long legs are spread comfortably. One hand stretched high over his head and the other reaching out to Reiner’s direction. 

He smiles knowing Bertolt’s hand was resting on his chest moments before he’d woken up. Bertolt always liked to touch him while he was asleep, something that Reiner had grown to love. Just a simple touch that Bertolt needed in his sleep to know his best friend was safe and with him, it was rare when Bertolt wasn’t touching him anymore. Some nights when they were training to be soldiers Bertolt wouldn’t need to feel him. Only sometimes did Reiner feel Bertolt’s hand reach out for him while he lie awake staring at the ceiling for hours, he chuckled feeling Bertolt’s foot against his a few times. Reiner understood Bertolt touching him as something they both needed, they had both been through too much at their young ages and needed one another. And even asleep Bertolt wanted to make sure Reiner was close. 

“Sorry.” Reiner murmurs and brushes Bertolt’s bangs off his forehead gently. He smiles briefly as Bertolt reacts to the warm touch but doesn’t wake. 

Bertolt has waken from nightmares countless times before as well, and since Reiner is such a light sleeper he always wakes hearing Bertolt scream or yell. Reiner is always there to hold Bertolt against his chest when he starts sobbing from what he’s seen in his sleep, always there to talk to him with soothing words as Bertolt stares blankly into space with tears streaming from his eyes. Reiner thanks the heavens for Bertolt being a heavy sleeper because he knows he wakes from nightmares much more than his best friend does. And he needs to protect Bertolt from that fact, he doesn’t want to worry or burden his friend with his problems. 

Reiner sighs heavily and closes his eyes as he lays back down. The cold sweat he’d waken from makes him shiver under his blankets. What he wouldn’t give in to be pressed against Bertolt’s chest now. He’s always so warm and Reiner is always reluctant to admit it, but he feels safe in the other’s long arms. Reiner stares through their thin tent, seeing the bright stars out and shinning. He closes his eyes and tries to focus on the stars he sees from his years of sleeping outside with his friends, he smiles for a moment but then the stars disappear and he’s trapped again. In the dark he sees shapes of people. Reiner fights to open his eyes and already, his heart is pounding in his chest and he’s panting. He can’t sleep tonight, not now anyway. 

Reiner sits up and quietly shuffles out of his sleeping bag. He gets the sleeping bag while Bertolt gets the thick bed roll and the blanket. The sleeping bag would be too constrictive for him. Reiner crawls out of their tent and looks over his shoulder to find Bertolt still reaching for him. He gets out and closes it behind himself. 

Standing in Wall Maria in the middle of the night alone is an interesting feel. For as far as he can see there’s not a living thin in sight, just his best friend in their tent and Zeke in the other tent a few metres away. The wind blows past him but not enough to make him shiver right away. Reiner adjusts his loose night pants then crosses his arms over his chest, the long sleeve he wears being one of Bertolt’s is too tight on his shoulders. But it’s better than the tough material of his button up shirt and it’s too cool in the nights to sleep shirtless anymore. 

Reiner fights against the images that haunt him as he paces back and forth in the dark. He debates starting a fire, then pushes the idea aside and waiting until morning for a strong cup of coffee to wake him up fully. He combs his hands through his short hair and tires to think of anything but his nightmares. Tries to find something to distract himself with. Suddenly he thinks of Bertolt. How his friend smiles and how he talks, how he could listen to anything he says just to hear his voice, the feeling of comfort he gives Reiner just being beside him. Reiner stops pacing and calms himself just thinking about Bertolt. Reiner smiles after a sigh and crossed his arms over his chest as a wind blows past him, feeling colder then before. He hugs his arms around his body tighter and turns back to go to their tent but stops short. 

He needs more time to clear his mind before laying down in the dark again. Reiner sighs and leans his head back on his shoulders and looks up to the stars, letting himself get lost in their light. Reiner walks to the edge of the wall and looks down, he closes his eyes as he takes a seat with his feet dangling off the edge. Reiner leans back on his hands to hold his weight up and continues to watch the stars. Reiner sighs and lets his thoughts race as he stares off. 

His mind goes instantly goes to Annie. He’s worried for her but he also knows she can handle herself. Still wished he knew what state she was in though. He thinks of Zeke and their plan that’s going to unfold in a few days time, but frowns and shakes the thought away quickly before he can fall down that rabbit hole again. Reiner lets his mind drift back to memories of the cadets who he thought were his friends, he hates himself and knows he shouldn’t be missing them but he can’t help it. Reiner drops his hands to his thighs and slouches forward with his head bowed, thoughts still running through his mind. He thinks about their home and how he badly wishes things weren’t so hard or complicated. Then he feels tears in his eyes, Reiner sighs again and covers his face in his hands, at this rate he’ll never get back to sleep. His tears leak from his eyes no matter how tightly he squeezes them shut and grits his teeth together. 

Reiner is so lost in thought that he doesn’t hear their tent unzip and his friend’s light footsteps approach him cautiously. Reiner doesn’t react until he feels Bertolt drape the thick blanket across his shoulders. Reiner tenses and snaps his neck to the side. 

Bertolt gives him a small smile when their eyes meet. “You shouldn’t be out here in just a shirt.” His voice still thick with sleep. 

Reiner looks away and wants to shoot back at how he’s just wearing his night shirt, but knows that Bertolt would shrug and say something about being the Colossal Titan nonchalantly. Reiner nods his head and turns away to quickly wipe at his eyes down cheeks. Reiner closes his eyes and curses himself for getting so deep in thought and nearly loosing himself. 

Bertolt sits beside him, their shoulders almost touching. He stares out at the abounded city as he brings his knees up and wraps his arms around them, he rests his chin on top of one and lets out a sigh of his own. “Can’t sleep?” He asked gently after they’ve grown comfortable to each other’s company. 

Reiner shakes his head. He subconsciously tugs the blanket tighter around his body. He shivers feeling Bertolt’s warmth it holds. “Thanks.” He mumbles and watches Bertolt turn to look at him in question before knowing he means, thanks for bringing the blanket. 

Bertolt nods and looks forward again. A silence draws out between them and the wind blows past making Reiner hold his new sense of warmth a little tighter. A few more moments pass and Bertolt turns to look at his friend. His heart breaks realizing he’s been crying, he felt his insides tighten when he’d woken up alone in their tent and thought the worst. He was ready to yell for Zeke and shift into his Titan form in a heartbeat to find his friend, he’d relaxed instantly seeing Reiner just out for a breath of fresh air. Bertolt knows he can never fall asleep. Bertolt was about to join him but returned to the tent and grabbed his blanket after seeing Reiner’s shoulders trembling. He’s worried for Reiner, all he wants to do is protect him and be with him. Bertolt purses his lips and Reiner brings his legs up to sit cross legged. 

“Are you alright?” Bertolt whispers as if someone else might hear. 

He watches Reiner’s features shift into an unreadable expression before he just gives a heartless half smile for a brief moment. “Nghtmare.”

Bertolt bites his lip and nods in understanding, he hates nightmares. 

Reiner ducks his head and sighs heavily. “But I’m fine, just needed some air.”

Reiner may be able to lie to an entire army, but he can’t lie to Bertolt. Bertolt moves a little closer, “Reiner.”

Hearing his name grabs his attention, Reiner looks up and Bertolt can see the exhaustion and pain in them. Bertolt loves his eyes, such a light brown that glows like honey with the sun hits them, and it hurts to see those eyes he loves in any sort of pain. Bertolt sighs and turns to face him, one of his legs dangling off the wall and the other bent in front of him. They hold eye contact as Bertolt puts a gentle hand on his shoulder. 

“You can talk to me y’know?” Bertolt tightens his grip on his friend’s shoulder ever so gently. He smiles sadly when Reiner’s eyes soften. “About anything.”

Reiner doesn’t understand why his chest tightens and his breathing flutter. He can’t look away as Bertolt’s hand slides from his shoulder down to hold his shoulder blade, the touch soft. Maybe he’s so taken aback at hearing the words out loud, he knows he and Bertolt can talk to one another about anything, but hearing it it’s something else entirely. 

“You help me, so let me help you.” Bertolt watches as Reiner looks away, eyes still soft which is such a rare and welcome sight. Bertolt lets his free hand rest on his lap. “Whenever you need me,” Bertolt talks a little louder causing Reiner to look back to him, he smiles and Reiner’s eyes grow misty. “I’m here for you.”

Reiner’s heart skips a beat and he watches Bertolt’s hand slide down his hand and he tugs the blanket aside just enough to find and hold his hand. Reiner feels Bertolt press their palms together as they hold hands, he subconsciously squeezes his hand in his trembling one. Their hands resting on Reiner’s thigh in the blanket. This reassurance is exactly what Reiner needed. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, letting it out with a shaky sigh. He twines their fingers together. 

They sit together in another silence but Bertolt knows he doesn’t have to say anymore. He knows Reiner, and he knows he’ll open up eventually if he needs to. He wants Reiner to talk but he wouldn’t push him because the last thing they both need to Reiner bottling up his emotions from fear of what Bertolt might think if he shares his thoughts. Bertolt sits with his legs hanging off the wall and so their shoulders are touching, hands still clasped together under the blanket and Reiner sitting with his legs crossed. Bertolt watches the stars as he hears Reiner trying desperately not to cry. 

“It’s okay.” Bertolt whispers and squeezes his hand.

Reiner’s shoulders start trembling as he leans his head against his friend’s shoulder, tears slowly falling from his eyes and wetting Bertolt’s shirt. He presses his face into his shoulder and continues to fight back tears. 

Listening to Reiner cry is like torture for Bertolt. His friend usually so strong and stoic, but lately he’s been breaking down. Bertolt will catch him sometimes just staring off into nothing with a troubled expression so he has to say his name to bring him back, he gets distracted and lost in his thoughts when they have nothing to do, Reiner used to smile all the time but now it’s a rare sight. Bertolt misses when his friend wasn’t so burdened with such hardship, he would give anything just to see Reiner without so much pain. 

Reiner is shaking when he brings his free hand up and presses his hand to his eyes. Still trying not to cry.

“Reiner,” Bertolt turns and presses his face into blonde hair, Reiner’s natural scent is calming and reminds him of home, “it’s okay.” 

Reiner chokes and the blanket starts the fall off his shoulders from his shaking. Bertolt takes the side that’s closest to him and he moves closer to his friend and wraps the blanket around his own shoulders, tugging the other side around Reiner and holding his side. Bertolt hopes that the simple action of closeness with comfort Reiner. And it seems to, Reiner turns and leans his weight on Bertolt’s side. Face still buried in his shirt. Bertolt breathes against his hair trying to keep himself steady, but he can feel his heart beating a little faster and throat tightening uncomfortably. 

Bertolt squeezes his eyes closed when Reiner grabs his hand in a bone crushing hold and finally cries into his shoulder. 

Reiner’s shoulders are shaking and he’s sobbing against Bertolt’s shirt. He’s trying to hold back sobs that threatening to rip from his chest but fails and claps a hand over his mouth trying to quiet himself. Bertolt squeezes his hand back and he holds the blanket around their shoulders so it won’t blow sway with the light breeze as Reiner cries. Bertolt feels his own tears prick and sting his eyes as he sees his free hand to rub Reiner’s shoulder up and down gently, trying anything to confront him. 

“I’m sorry.” Reiner finally gets out in a shaking voice, his throat raw. “Bertolt- I-“ He wipes at his eyes with his sleeve. 

Bertolt just shakes his head and pulls back to they can see one another. Reiner’s eyes are sad and red from crying, usual hard and frowning features are soft and vulnerable as he looks up at his friend. “You don’t need to apologize.”

Reiner opens his mouth to protest but Bertolt wraps his arms around him quickly. Blanket falling from their shoulders. A tight hug keeps Reiner quiet. 

“For anything Reiner.” Bertolt whispers against his neck. 

Reiner lets out a long sigh and relaxes into the embrace. His hands slowly wrap around Bertolt’s waist, too tired to lift them higher around his shoulders. “But-“

“Don’t apologize.” Bertolt’s voice is a little more firm as he squeezes his friend one more time. He pulls back and squeezes both of Reiner’s shoulder and hold his at arms length. “Reiner look at me.”

Reiner reluctantly looks up and meets his friend’s eyes. He feels worse seeing that he’s crying too. “Bertolt.” His name is a quiet whisper of his lips. 

Bertolt just gives him a smile and shakes his head. “You don’t apologize Reiner. You have nothing to apologize for, it’s not your fault or my fault for what’s happened.” He talks slowly not to overwhelm Reiner, “We didn’t get a fair shot at life, we’ve been given the shit end time and time again. It sucks and it hurts but we got each other to get through it. All we gotta do now is what finish our mission and soon we’ll be safe at home, after this it’s just going to be us. I got you and that’s all I need.”

Reiner eyes widen and he stares for a few long moments before he smiles gently. Ever after crying and sobbing he looks beautiful when he smiles. Bertolt missed his smiles more than anything. He missed his friend. 

“S-Sorry for crying like that,” Reiner looks away first, “my nightmare was just so,” He squeezes his eyes closed seeing the images that haunt him, “so real.” 

Bertolt nods and loosens his grip on his shoulders. “I understand I, get them all the time too.” He voice is quieter, “You can wake me, next time you have one.” 

Reiner looks up with a gentle questioning look. 

Bertolt flushes, “If you wanna talk about it. Or just don’t wanna be alone. You can wake me up, you help me when I have nightmares so let me help you.” Their eyes meet for a brief moment and Reiner gives a sad smile and a nod. 

Bertolt takes that as a small victory. 

Reiner pats his hand on his shoulder and Bertolt lets his hand drop to his lap. After Reiner grabs the blanket and puts it around their shoulders again, they sit close side by side and stare out across the wall. Their hands between them tightly clasped together as they lean on one another for support.

“Reiner.” 

“Hm?” 

“You’re not alone.” Bertolt turns his face and closes his eyes against his hair. “I’m here for you.” 

Reiner smiles against his shoulder. “I’ll tell you everything someday Bertolt.” He closes his eyes and tightens the blanket around himself feeling another gust of wind. 

Bertolt nods at the promise and leans his head against his friend’s as they fall into a comfortable silence. Bertolt smiles and closes his eyes when Reiner’s thumb starts rubbing circles against his hand. 

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope it was okay! Thanks for reading and feedback is very much appreciated:)


End file.
